“I don’t need a man.” How many times have you heard this? How many times have you said this?? I’ve said it a thousand times. I’ve said “I don’t want a man” too. That was a lie. I knew it. I was just angry at all the men (teachers) I’d ever met in my lifetime. Driven, motivated women (and men) tend to have laser-sharp focus. We’ve got work to do, kids to raise, and all obstacles must give way. It’s easy to believe that you don’t need a man in your life. You want your independence. You want to prove to the world that you can do it all by yourself, all the time, never get tired, forever—and be happy, loud, and proud of it. Rule the world as a solo warrior without any help. And you can! You absolutely can do it all by yourself. You’re doing it all by yourself right now.
But what do you really want?
I used to work at Sea World in San Antonio (owned by the Busch family…aka Budweiser Beer) and they had a whole showroom with the Clydesdale horses that was so cool! Did you know that one Clydesdale horse can pull 2,000-5,000 pounds alone? And did you know that two Clydesdales horses can pull 18,000-22,000 pounds together? A pair of horses can pull 4 times as much as one horse. You know where I’m going with this story…
Years ago, I really really wanted love, intimacy, romance, connection, someone I could trust, someone who liked doing things with me and loved me the way I am. I had no idea how having that person in my life in my corner would enhance and explode all other areas of my life! Can you even imagine what you could accomplish if you had a badass partner right beside you, supporting you, helping you, cheering you on, basking in your awesomeness, capitalizing on all of his resources and network of friends, brainstorming with you, taking things off your plate, (not to mention ordering lunch, taking care of the dry cleaning, taking the dogs out, doing the dishes)? Absolutely none of the things I am doing right now would have happened had I not married John. I wrote a book, I started my own business (I was in a partnership prior to this business) I started a blog, I created a journal, my business exploded, we are building our dream home, the kids have blossomed, and I could go on and on.
It’s okay to want a partner, and if there’s one thing lockdown has shown me this year, it’s been how much we need other people. We need human connection and intimacy—real, physical connection (enough with this never-ending video conferencing BS).
I was even thinking about the Bible and Garden of Good and Evil. God didn’t make Adam and Eve separately. He didn’t put them on their own individual planets and say “Hey, you’re on your own! Best of luck, kiddos. Peace out!” So, I really don’t think the grand plan was for us to be alone for the rest of our lives. Can you be a solo warrior for the rest of your life? Sure! Were we meant to be solo warriors? I think not. I think everything great was created with a great team. We need each other. We need true intimacy that can’t be found with soon we hardly know. I think we need true loyalty and trust to have fulfillment and joy in life. I know it’s weird, but commitment is freedom, You’re free to be yourself at all times in all things, in all places, every day, no matter what is going on. Like a boxer in the middle of a boxing match, if you’re winning or losing, your partner is right there in the corner ready to wipe off the blood and give you water. We deserve to have a partner in crime that would do anything for us. And it is okay to want that for your life!
I think God/Spirit/universe/creative source (whatever resonates best with you) has a partner in mind for you right now. I believe that when we go to battle every day to be closer to God we get gut feelings and we are guided to the next right thing for us. I didn’t come together with John until I believed it was possible for me to find a great man, and I got super crystal clear on what I wanted in a husband, focused on becoming just like that person I was describing, and thanked God in advance every day, multiple times a day.
I spent decades being insecure and fearful. After my divorce, I resented the sh*t out of my ex, and had even more limiting beliefs about myself. But then I thought…What if…
What if your life is like a book. Imagine that it’s 400 chapters, and the divorce chapter was chapter 12, the single parent chapters happening right now are 13-20….and you are on chapter 20 right now!!! How exciting will Chapter 21 be?!?!? What do you think it could be about?
You don’t know what you don’t know!
What if an amazing incredible man who is perfect for you is going through a divorce right now? What if he’s moving to your city next month? What if you have more things to learn before you are ready to love him the way HE needs to be loved? Hmmmm….
You only attract who you ARE, not who you WANT.
Like always attracts like, so what if calling in the one who is perfect for us helps us become our true potential? Perhaps being honest about what you TRULY desire helps you become the person you really want to become. It did for me. Perhaps cultivating that belief that a partner is meant to be and will elevate your life in ways you would never ever imagine. I didn’t attract a partner in everything until got closer to becoming the person I wanted to become. I believe setting and making progress towards our goals (even a relationship goal) allows us to become the person we want to become and that in and of itself is the purpose. That is the strategy that attracts all miracles into our lives and one of those miracles just might be the one person who will love us cherish us and adore us forever. No one will love you, adore you, cherish you, support you, and cheer you on until you love yourself, adore yourself, cherish yourself, and be your OWN best cheerleader. Having a badass partner in every way takes your life and love and fulfillment (and every area of your life) to the next level.
So no, I don’t need a man, per se. But the magic lies in the blessings that I never ever imagined but have come because the two of us can carry five times the load of what I could carry alone. Having a partner who has my back has given me more growth, more joy, more fulfillment, and more independence than I ever thought.
It’s OK to not need a man, and want an exceptional one.
Wishing you lots of love,
Changing your limiting beliefs that say it’s not okay to hope for partnership is a daily battle! Luckily, I’ve got an AMAZING sale going right now for my Create Love Today Journal—a daily journal that will help you create the life and attract the love you want. For a limited time, get: the journal for 25% off, free shipping, and a FREE signed copy of my book, “Becoming Mrs. Stanley: The Single Mom’s Guide to Attracting Mr. Right!” Grab it today for you, or as the perfect holiday gift for a friend!