Inside the yoga studio where I practice there’s a big sign that says “Do what you LOVE.” I couldn’t agree more. It might seem silly, but if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that when I’m struggling or sad about something I tend to do nothing. And I especially stay away from doing things alone.
Afraid to go places alone?
Years ago I felt uncomfortable doing things alone. Well, all it took was to get dumped by a teacher (who forgot to mention he didn’t believe in monogamy…kind of an important detail about himself) right before we were supposed to go to a resort for a week in Cancun. And guess what? I went anyway! Alone. Yes, alone. And it was one of the best weeks of my life! This place was was literally “The Love Boat” but on land. A couples-only all-inclusive-resort that was already paid for, with no children and every other door had a ribbon that said “Honeymoon” on it. Funny thing was, since it was a couple’s only resort, I don’t think they had never seen anyone arrive there alone. And to add salt to my wound, every time I called the front desk, they answered, “How can we help you, Mrs. Jones” (they addressed me by his last name, that wasn’t his real name, I changed it for privacy). Everyone who worked there called me amiga sola. [woman alone]
“No novio?” [boyfriend] they would ask.
“No esposo?” [husband]
Uh, no. I’m afraid not. Thanks for asking though!
At first, I felt self-conscious about it, especially since it was such a beautiful romantic place right on the beach. It had a shower big enough for 10, and jet tub jacuzzi for two, rose petals on the bed, champagne (with two glasses) when you walk in. It was a little embarrassing to tell you the truth. But once I let go of that, I had the time of my life! The lesson I learned was actually a refresher course on what it’s like to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and just enjoy the alone time. I had never been on a trip by myself; I’ve never even lived alone, ever.
During my week as amiga sola I read three books, swam with the dolphins, went to a night club and danced all night, met a seriously hot Italian, and went to the Mayan ruins, I laid out for hours if I wanted, I ordered room service and stayed in if I wanted. I even learned to scuba dive! I did whatever I wanted to do. Didn’t matter that I was alone, what mattered was enjoying some much needed and well-earned downtime so I could rejuvenate and discover myself again.
Doing things alone helped me feel more confident.
Attracting the partner of your dreams requires becoming the person you want to meet. What I found was that I wasn’t attaining my goals by doing the same things over and over again. If you’re not getting anywhere, change something. Change your habits. That person who is perfect for you could be in a relationship today that might end tomorrow, or next month, or next year.
You have no idea what your soulmate is doing right now to prepare for meeting you. Maybe they are working on themselves, too. Today, it’s actually none of your business. Don’t worry about that. Just start believing in yourself enough to go it alone until you are both ready to meet.
If you want to attract the partner of your dreams, you have to become the person of your dreams!
Do you like art exhibits? Go see one! Do you love concerts? Take a friend to see one of your favorite bands! If you want to attract someone who loves to spend time with your kids, spend as much quality time with your kids as you can. Go on family outings. Take them to the movies, or bowling. Play ball in the yard. Do everything you dream of doing with a spouse right now! Be a complete family today! Don’t wait.
Finding Things to do on a Date with Yourself
Feeling like you’re ready to give it a try but no idea what to do on your own? Here are a few ideas that worked for me:
Go to a concert or live show. I happened upon tickets to a Bon Jovi concert but didn’t have anyone to go with. So I went by myself! It was a blast!
See a movie. When I was single, I missed going to adult movies. I always took my kids to the animated ones. Then I went to one alone, and ended up seeing several movies by myself before meeting my husband. It felt weird at first, but once you get used to it – it’s liberating.
Eat out at a restaurant and sit at the bar. By doing this, I found you are likely to meet interesting people you wouldn’t normally meet in a restaurant bar. Over the years I met some great people and lifted my spirits at the same time!
Go visit a family member in another state. Traveling alone is something moms often forget how to do when we give our lives over to the kids. It’s refreshing to have to take care of yourself and worry about what you need for a change.
Try talking to people you don’t know. While you’re out and about, strike up a conversation with the folks you meet. It helped me grow outside your comfort zone. Who knows, you could meet other people pushing themselves out of their comfort zone, too, and make new connections.
Creating new experiences for yourself is the KEY! Try new things and go to new places! Welcome the adventure. Do things YOU like to do!
If you’re a single mom like I was and you have small children you may be saying, “I can’t go out alone, I don’t have a sitter.” Maybe you could take yourself to lunch or go to a matinee. Maybe you could take a day off and go somewhere and a date with yourself.
All I know is that when I began to ACT AS IF I had a partner, and I acted AS IF my family WAS complete, my confidence level started to rise. When I started doing things alone that I wanted to do with my soulmate, I felt happier. I felt joy in my everyday single mom life, even though my circumstances were exactly the same. And when I didn’t, and I was waiting for him to come along and waiting to do all the things I wanted to do with him, I felt lonely. So what if…you made some dates with yourself and what if you felt happier for no reason? What if doing something new and something alone as IF he was meeting you there and he was right alongside you the whole time made you smile for no reason? What if you went somewhere alone and met a new friend? If it happened for me, maybe it could happen for you, and I WISH everyone could feel OK and feel happy right now! With or without a husband! So why not try it?
Make sure to subscribe below for my weekly(ish) newsletter below for more tips and strategies for cultivating self-love, self-confidence, healing from past trauma, and attracting Mr. Right. One of the strategies is listening to my Love Playlist exclusively, and I put the whole thing on Spotify if you want to follow along and add to it if you have a good love song! And if you want to follow me on Instagram or Facebook, I’d love to be friends!