How Fighting Affects Your Relationships

During a recent visit to the local salon where I get my eyebrows done, we were talking about how John and I were going out on a date night. I asked about recommended restaurants in the area, and she suggested Culinary Dropout. To which I replied, “OH yeah, we went there once. We got in a HUGE fight and went home pissed at each other.”

We Got in a Fight

She said, “Seriously? I didn’t think you guys EVER fought! You never talk about that! You guys always talk about how perfect you are.”

WHOA! Okay. WAIT a second… It’s time to talk about it. Because every couple has arguments. If you never have a fight, it just means that you never talk about anything,

Soulmate love doesn’t mean we have some perfect relationship and we never have any hardships or challenges either.

True love doesn’t mean you never fight.

In fact, compared to the past three years, I don’t think I have ever experienced as many challenges in my whole life, EVER. But it’s the challenges that make you grow; right? It’s the challenges that either make you stronger together or drive you apart. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And that’s not just a catchy song lyric – It’s the truth!

Without challenges, a relationship won’t grow.

Career changes, moving, health problems. You name it, we’ve been through it. John was hospitalized three times in 18 months, one stent, and had two rounds of pneumonia. That’s a challenge.

Getting used to living with two teenagers – That’s a daily challenge.

Starting a new job – That’s an ongoing challenge.

Challenges are what make us or break us.

When I was a single mom, I didn’t run away from challenges even when I wanted to. Sure, there were times I felt like running to my room, locking the door, and hoping it would all be perfect and look like a Disney movie when I woke up. (OK, a couple of times I did.) Well, in the end, I got my Prince Charming and we are living happily ever after, right?

Facing life’s challenges makes you stronger

When you find true love and get married to the best husband on the planet for YOU it doesn’t mean that all your problems will go away forever. In fact, you may have more challenges and new things to deal with that you’ve never experienced before. The scary part is you won’t know until you say “I do.” Still, life is so much better if you take that leap of faith and trust that every future experience happens FOR YOU.

If you’re not growing, you’re dying.

“Bring it on,” I say.

We face daily life challenges together

And I want to make it crystal clear that just because we take cute pictures together looking happy doesn’t mean we never argue. Of course we argue, of course we get grumpy, of course we get hangry, of course we get tired, of course we get irritated (mostly me). And, of course, I say stupid things sometimes that I didn’t really mean to say. Do I wish I could take it back? Of course I do.

We’re all imperfect human beings living in the same house. But we also have a reset button. We can start over. We forgive. And we begin each day all over again. I don’t believe in that whole “never go to bed angry” load of bull. I don’t believe in the 14-hour deliberations before bedtime. I am terrible at bedtime talks! By the end of the day, I am the WORST version of myself. I’m tired, exhausted. I can’t even keep my eyes open after 9 pm (unless Payton’s around, then for some reason I can stay up all night talking) but that’s another story. I believe the best thing to do when you’re angry is to GO TO BED! Get some sleep and figure it all out when you are rested. Start over tomorrow! Tomorrow is a new day.

We’re all imperfect humans.

Together we live. Together we grow.

We fight.
We make up.
We have extremely challenging things that happen to us.
We are raising kids going through puberty.
We had illnesses put my husband in the hospital three times.
We faced hard job changes that have turned out to be awesome.
We’ve had court troubles.
We endure attorneys taking all of our money.
We feel uncertainty.

We have all of it.

And there’s no one else I’d rather have major challenges with.

And there’s no one else I’d rather fight with.

There’s no one else I’d rather go through raising teenagers with, go through hospitalizations with, experience all of it with.

I’m not alone.

And if you change one thing, you change it all.

So, NOPE. Not interested in changing any of it.

He’s the only one who can put up with me,

And I’m the only one that can put up with him.

We’re not alone.

For better or worse, I wouldn’t change one thing.

There’s no one else I’d rather be in a fight with, make up with, go on hikes with, go to the movies with, grill steaks with, go dancing with, drink too much with, start a new exercise program with, go to Tony Robbins with, screw up everything with, dream big with, fail with, be the best person with, be awesome with, grow, fail, learn, cry, be miserable, gain weight, all of it. Or end too many sentences with a preposition with. All of it.

He’s my person.

He’s my imperfect, annoying person.

I’m his annoying, control freak, Type-A, psycho, beast, workaholic person.

That’s Soulmate LOVE.

You’ll take all of it, every day. You made a vow. You promised.

I committed. I keep my promises. Even when it sucks, it’s still the best! Learning to trust, and learning to forgive, learning the lessons that come with arguing and talking it all out are so good because I know that’s the only way to grow and be BETTER! I truly believe that because I am wired to be a non-confrontational sissy pants and hold my feelings in longer than I should, this is what has helped my communication skills. I fear of arguing doesn’t help anyone. I desire to have a great marriage means you gotta talk about the uncomfortable stuff, and after we do, I feel a thousand times better.

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