Why NOT You?

If I can attract a husband at age 40, after a divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, and a repo, all while raising two kids alone, running a business AND owing the IRS $30,000, then WHY NOT YOU?

There’s nothing special about me. Except one thing. The strategy I created did ultimately lead me to accomplish my relationship GOALS. The man I had known for years is now my husband. So why not give it a try? Why NOT you?

There were a million reasons (LIES) I used to tell myself why I should/would/could just stay single. But how was that working out for me? If anyone ever talked to us like our inner critic talks to us, we would punch them in the face. So why do we allow ourselves to talk to us like that?

If you want to create a successful yoga studio, go find a successful studio and do what they did.

If you want to be a successful speaker, find one and do what they did at the beginning.

If you want to be a successful author, find one that accomplished what you want to accomplish, do the research, and do what they did at the beginning.

If one of your goals is to have an awesome relationship – How ’bout finding someone who manifested a husband at age 40, after divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, repo, raising two kids, running a business, with absolutely no “free” time and no special skills? How about learning from their mistakes and their wins? What do you have to lose?

It took me 18 months.

Let go of the timing.

Are you in a hurry? I wouldn’t be. Nothing happened until I LET GO OF THE TIMING.

Everything worthwhile is uphill,” as John C. Maxwell says! Meaning everything that is worth it takes time and requires work. Anything that is worth accomplishing requires massive action!

If you ran a marathon and it took you eight hours, but it took someone else only two hours, guess what? You still ran a marathon. You still crushed that goal. Is it any LESS of an accomplishment because of how long it took you compared to the other runners? Running a marathon is a HUGE accomplishment, no matter how long it takes. RIGHT? So stop being in a hurry. Take just one step today. Start somewhere.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could do one thing today that will take you one step closer to your goal? You might have to take 97 steps, or 1,097 steps. But If you get there in the end, does it matter?

Take just one step today.

Here’s another example. I wanted straight teeth. Do you think I wanted them to be straight from the moment I put those braces on? Anyone would say that’s ridiculous. I couldn’t WAIT to get them off! But I didn’t get to decide how long it would take for my teeth to straighten. So why have you given up on love or deemed yourself to be single forever, when you know it might take some time to find the right partner for you. All goals require time. When you put braces on, those braces slowly move your teeth into place. Sometimes it takes years. In my case it took 14 months.

But did I focus on how long it was taking for my teeth to shift? Did I look in the mirror every ten minutes like I was watching grass grow and say to myself “Why is it taking so long?” “Hurry up teeth, I hate my smile.” “Yup, still crooked.” “Yup, not perfect STILL!” “I wish it would go faster.” Ridiculous, right? Put the braces on and let go of the timing. I focused on the progress. So why would we even think of doing that with our other goals, like attracting the perfect relationship.

Do one thing each day to get closer to your goals.

Have you ever heard yourself saying: Why haven’t I met anyone yet? How come I have been single for so long? Why can’t I attract a good man who’s single? Why, why, why, why?

How is that working for you? How about trying a different approach to see what happens.

Change your focus.

“The difference between winning and losing is most often not quitting.” – Walter Elias Disney

Every day that I woke up with braces on, my teeth were getting straighter and straighter, no matter what I couldn’t see in the mirror. I was one step closer. You can choose to focus on what where you are NOW, or you can focus on where you are GOING. Guess which one will feel better?

Focusing on NOW: “They are not straight.”

While that is true, how does that make you feel?

Focusing on where you are GOING: “They are GETTING STRAIGHTER EVERY DAY!”

Also true! Which one feels better?

You wouldn’t take your braces off after six months because your teeth weren’t perfect yet. That would be crazy, right? All goals take TIME. People who have accomplished any goal in life did so because they didn’t give up.

Attracting the right partner takes time. But if you quit after six months and say, “Doc, I’ve had it. Its’ been six months, my teeth aren’t straight. Take them off.” Then your teeth will be crooked forever.

How about trying what I did?

Write your own Boss List.

What could you do to feel good about yourself today? What have you been thinking about doing, but haven’t gotten around to it yet? Is there something you are procrastinating about that would make you feel so much better if you could just cross it off your list? Is there something you can change that would make you feel like a boss when you walk out the door in the morning?

Start there. Write it down. Write all of them down.

If you want to attract a bas ass, you have to BE a bad ass! You can’t achieve all your goals in one afternoon – just start by writing them down. Then focus on the progress. Every step towards the goal you make for yourself is a step closer to the perfect partner for you.

Every time you focus on where you ARE (I’m alone, I’m single, I have no one, I will be single forever) takes you a step back. That doesn’t mean it throws you all the way off the course entirely – just a step back. Focusing on where you WANT TO GO takes you one step closer to getting THERE. The goal. The partner meant for you.

What things would you like to change that you have been procrastinating about?

Focus on the progress.

Now that you know what you want to achieve to make you feel like a boss, write it in the positive as though it is already done and quantifiable. Such as:

Focus on the progress and the wins.

My teeth are straight.

The back yard looks nicely cleaned-up and trimmed.

I have a lovable dog.

Got my own place.

I am lean and fit.

When I look in the mirror, I like what I see!

My closet is organized.

I enjoy one hour of uninterrupted family time each day.

Every night I get to read to my kids for 15 minutes.

Let’s say you have a goal to lose weight. Then only focus on the progress! ONLY progress.

Dear Mind,

I will only focus on my progress and I will do one thing each day to bring me one step closer to crushing my goal of attracting a bad ass husband (or the perfect wife) for me.

Thank God in advance for getting THEM ready. They are also getting ready for YOU! You don’t know what they need to accomplish and what they need to learn before they know how to love YOU the best either. So don’t rush it! You’ve got lessons to learn and steps to take first, that’s all. Don’t take your braces off until your teeth are straight! Focus on the progress and become a MAGNET for love!

Make sure to subscribe below for my weekly(ish) newsletter below for more tips and strategies for cultivating self-love, self-confidence, healing from past trauma, and attracting Mr. Right. One of the strategies is listening to My Love Playlist exclusively, and I put the whole thing on Spotify if you want to follow along and add to it if you have a good love song! And if you want to follow me on Instagram or Facebook, I’d love to be friends!

#MyStory #PreparingtoFindLove #BossList #FindingMySoulmate #SelfImprovement #MrsKarenStanley