“You only think you don’t want a relationship because you don’t want what you had before. You have never had real love. If you were presented with real love, with a healthy relationship, like what I have, you would want it.”
Mrs. Karen Stanley said these real-AF words to me as I was interviewing her for my podcast focused on empowering single moms, Show It Off.
I invited her on the show because the majority of my audience wants to know how to find love, how to have partnership, and how to change their status from single mama to married woman. But I certainly didn’t want that. So, I never talked about it on the show. But I knew I was doing the mamas a disservice by avoiding the subject and that Karen would deliver what they wanted.
When she said these words to me, my first thought was,
“Of course I have had real love! She is mistaken.”
After all, I had been married twice! I have been dating for twenty-five years! But something really did resonate. I really don’t want what I have had before.
Two years ago, I left the father of my daughter after coming to terms with the fact that I was in an abusive relationship. I was terrified of the man I lived with. I had copies of my car keys buried in the ground because he would randomly confiscate mine to be sure I couldn’t leave the house. I had money hidden because he would withhold money when he thought I was getting too bold or too cheeky. I was bullied, threatened, put down, and intimidated every day until my then two-year-old daughter said to me when we were shopping at Target,
“Live at Target, mommy. No go home. Daddy scary.”
After she said that, I took the first step in escaping my relationship and leaving my home, the man I loved, and the life we had built with no money, no plan, and no idea what the future would bring.
On that morning of the podcast interview, it had been two years since I had a boyfriend. I was still traumatized. I was actually afraid of men. But while speaking with Karen and hearing her story, something inside of me shifted.
I heard the joy in her voice. She understood how I felt—after all, she too had pretty much given up on the idea of her having a real, healthy, loving relationship; yet here she was, speaking to me as a happily married woman. My conversation with her shifted something within me.
Perhaps it opened me up to the possibility that I could get to a place where I wanted that too. Perhaps I could believe that I could have something unlike anything I had experienced before.
About six weeks later I was at the playground with my daughter. She met a girl her age there and became fast friends. Her grandma, who brought her to the park, and I had fun together too and we ended up scheduling a playdate for the following week. This grandma told me about her son, the single father to her granddaughter. She explained how he was tall and strong, kind and smart, gentle and protective, a hard worker, and a great father.
“Yeah right.” I thought. Still guarded and untrusting and taking her opinion of her son as bias.
But then I met him, and he was just as she described.
It was clear that this dreamy single dad and I shared a mutual attraction, and with each playdate that we arranged for our girls, he and I became closer, more friendly, less guarded, and he courted me opened up to me, and we fell in love.
Because of Karen’s honest reflection of me, I was able to look at myself and see where I was holding a block within me that was keeping me from attracting a love that was unlike what I had experienced before.
I chose to clear that block and be open to what the Universe had in store for me.
Now I have a new and loving romance in my life. My daughter and I are both bearing witness to what a good man looks and feels like. I feel understood, safe, embraced, and cherished by this man who I attracted simply by being open to love, even just a little bit.
Karen’s example of love after heartbreak showed me what is possible.
I hope my story can show you what is possible for you so you can attract a love like you have never experienced before.
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