I attracted real love only after I became crystal clear about what I wanted in a partner and created a soulmate list that described exactly who he was, what he was like, and what we did together, with as many details as I could envision in the notes on my phone.
I had already written a list on paper, but it wasn’t until I typed this list in my phone in this precise way, read it every day, and edited it every day that I attracted John. Every date is a teacher, so every time you experience something you want in a partner, your list needs to be updated! Every time a teacher shows you something you DON’T want, your list needs to be updated with the exact opposite. I believe that reading and editing your list on a daily basis helps keep your focus on what you WANT, and NOT on what you don’t want.
You may have already heard that writing goals make you more likely to achieve them. I don’t see why a relationship goal would be any different than any other goal. If you wanted to attract the partner that was perfect for you, wouldn’t you want to give yourself the best chance at succeeding? It only makes sense to write down what you want in a partner and describe them as vividly as possible. Then, I used that list to propel me to be the person I was describing, and demonstrate every day that I was preparing for him.
I believe it matters that you demonstrate by taking some kind of action daily. This is not an overnight process. It’s a practice! We’re all a work in progress! Always! I just practiced taking action every day to get ready for the relationship I wanted, and I completely let go of the timing. If you accomplish one thing a day that demonstrates you are serious about attracting real love, you take one step in the direction of him/her. I call my love my soulmate, and if you think that’s cheesy, that’s okay, you can call him or her any name that resonates with you. It’s important that you use your own words and your own language, but I will give you examples from my soulmate list to help you create your own list in a way that will make you a magnet for exactly the person you desire to attract. Writing down your list of what you want in a partner in this specific way will make you a magnet for them!
If all you can think about it what you don’t want, then write the exact opposite. Every sentence should be the positive characteristic or quality that you want in a partner, and it needs to be in the present tense. Your perfect partner already exists, and he or she already is the way you are describing, or he/she is working towards becoming this exact person.
Start every sentence with:
“My soulmate (wife, husband, partner) is _________.”
You fill in the blanks. In the positive. In the present tense.
If you don’t want someone who smokes, then your sentence needs to read:
“My soulmate is a non-smoker.”
If you want someone who doesn’t drink too much (or doesn’t drink at all) then your sentence needs to read:
“My soulmate is sober.”
I wanted someone secure enough to demonstrate his affection, no matter who else was around. Although, I didn’t want to be that couple who’s so obnoxious they are in people’s way, annoying everyone around them. Get a room! My point is – vivid descriptions of everything.
“My soulmate loves to hold my hand and kisses me all the time, even in public.”
‘My soulmate is kind to everyone, not just me.’
We all know fake polite people, who are jerks to the waitress …No, thank you.
‘My soulmate is tall and has blue eyes.’
I actually wrote in my list that my soulmate is 6’2” so I could wear whatever heels I wanted. I’m tall and I love wearing heels. Then right before we went on our first date, I erased the blue eyes part. I thought that was a little silly, and I thought blue eyes was not really a requirement for real love. I’d take any color eyes, but I just happened to really love blue. I took it off my list and, yes, you guessed it, John is 6’2”, eyes of blue.
‘My soulmate is considerate of others and how they feel.’
We’ve all met happiness vampires that suck the life out of us if we spend any amount of time with them. I wanted my husband to be just the opposite. I wanted someone who made everyone feel better about themselves when they left his presence. I wanted a partner who was self-aware and mindful about what effect he potentially had on the people around him.
‘My soulmate is wise and I love his voice.’
I had met a teacher once whose voice was like nails on a chalkboard. I have no idea why, but I couldn’t stand to hear him talk. I wanted my husband’s voice to be soothing to me. I wanted a voice I loved to hear. My husband and I talked for hours and hours every night when we first started dating, before we lived together. His voice is so deep and soothing to me, and as he talks, I become more and more calm. Sometimes I would fall asleep with the phone still in my hand and wake up with drool all over it.
‘My soulmate prays and talks to me about spirituality.’
I met a teacher that was successful, well dressed, polite, fun, super accomplished, and an Atheist. He didn’t pray, he didn’t believe in a higher power. That’s fine for some folks, and if you’re an Atheist and you want to attract one, great! Write it down. But I wanted the opposite. I wanted a husband who would pray with me and who believes in something bigger than us. John and I pray at every meal and every night before we go to bed. We still thank God and the Universe every day for bringing us together.
‘My soulmate shows me he loves me by taking things off my plate.’
When we were dating, John sent a housekeeper to clean my house every two weeks. Now he washes dishes, he grills, he makes me breakfast on Sundays. He takes the clothes to the dry cleaners. He always takes things off my plate.
‘My soulmate is in communication with me regularly and wants to know everything.’
We’ve all dated some teachers where it seems you both got along and had a good time, but then you never hear from them again. This teaches us that we want people in our life to communicate with us regularly and who want to know how we are and they think about us often because we are important to them.
‘My soulmate makes me want to be a better woman. His influence makes me stronger, wiser, better, have good habits, think bigger, and be better than I was before I met him.’
We’ve also been on dates that may have been fun, but intelligent conversation was non-existent. I learned something from those teachers with whom I couldn’t engage in any interesting conversations. I like to have fun, too, but I don’t want to spend my whole life hanging out, wasting time. I wanted a husband who drives me and supports me to be the best version of myself. I wanted to be with someone who had experience and wisdom, who had a thing or two to teach me.
As you go on dates, spend time with other couples, or watch movies or people, you will see things that you don’t like. Add the opposite to your soulmate list.
‘My soulmate is a successful businessman whose career I am proud of, and he wears a suit every day.’
I met a teacher who had a job that I thought was really dumb. I felt embarrassed telling people what he did for a living. And I realized that I wanted to be proud of the person I was with, in every way. Plus, I really don’t know why, but I just love a man in a suit. There’s nothing sexier to me. I did have that on my soulmate list and he does wear a suit every day. Although, cowboy boots are a close second. I’m a Texas girl! I wanted someone that was a badass in business and would throw on some boots and go country dancing with me. That’s exactly who I got!
At one point I attracted several teachers via online dating sites who only displayed photos that were 10 years old. I’d show up to a date and find someone 50 pounds heavier. It happened about 4-5 times in a row. It was getting ridiculous. I’m not saying my husband must have a perfectly sculpted physique, that wasn’t my goal nor desire at all. But I was attracting folks who were not even CLOSE to being truthful about what they look like, and whose health and wellness was their last priority, no thanks. So, I edited my list to include:
‘My soulmate works out regularly, eats a clean diet, but isn’t that crazy about it. He eats treats with me, too.’
Then, read and edit your soulmate list every day! And review it every night! Use it to remind yourself to action each day that helps you get closer to being that person you describe in your list!
Working towards becoming the person you described in your soulmate list of who you want to attract is the STUFF that increases your self-love, self-respect, and self-trust. I gradually and gradually started to notice I had more pep in my step and more happiness for no reason, and even found myself enjoying mundane things like watching dishes.
If you want to attract someone that is fit, go to the gym or go for a walk, anything you like to do. You don’t have to look like a supermodel. Right after I got a divorce, I looked in the mirror, and because my self-confidence was so low, I said to my reflection, “All you need is a boob job and liposuction and THEN someone will want to marry you.” I literally said that to myself, and I believed it. I ran an hour a day, and I starved myself for years. I did not attract real love. I only attracted insecure teachers who didn’t love themselves. You always attract yourself. That belief kept me single for years!
If you want someone who is compassionate, do one thing today that demonstrates you have compassion. Find someone to help. Donate all your kids’ old toys and old clothes to an orphanage. Watch your friend’s kids for an afternoon. Take any action. If you want someone who is funny, find ways to laugh! Lighten up! Just because you take your job as a parent seriously, doesn’t mean YOU have to be serious all the time. Go to a comedy club, listen to Ellen while you do dishes, watch Mrs. Doubtfire with the kids, or take an Improv comedy class! They have free ones all the time.
If you want to attract someone who loves to spend time with your kids, spend as much quality time with them as you can. Take them bowling, go to the park, have fun. Laugh with them. Throw the ball around with them in the backyard. You should never delay any activity because you feel you’re not complete without a spouse. If you find yourself thinking, “Oh I can’t wait do that when I have a husband or a wife, or I can’t wait to that as a family,” then do it immediately. You are a family!
Act as though you are a COMPLETE family right now, and your family will be completed faster. Do all of the things you want to do when you have the spouse of your dreams. If you plan on having fun after you find a spouse and you are all together, remember that you don’t get to decide on the timing. You might not meet your soulmate until the kids are older. They will never be this age ever again, and once they are eight, they will no longer want to do seven-year-old things. Doing the activities you want your future mate to do, and doing them right now, will draw him to you like a magnet.
Here’s a review:
Start every sentence with “My soulmate is..” (or my partner is, husband is, wife is…whoever you want to attract.)
- The personality traits you want in a partner
My soulmate is kind, considerate, friendly, helpful, etc.
- Your partner’s physical characteristics and qualities.
My soulmate is healthy, tall, fit, etc.
- Things you and your partner do for each other.
My soulmate brings me flowers, takes me on dates, etc.
- All the activities you and your partner do together
My soulmate goes country dancing with me, takes me to the beach, etc.
The last thing I wrote on my soulmate list was proximity. And I added it to my list on November 16, 2014. The last teacher before my last first date lived 90 miles away, so I added:
‘My soulmate lives within 20 minutes of me, so it’s easy for him to stop by and spend time together.’
On the morning of my last first date on December 7th, 2014, my husband sent me his address for the first time. When I put it in my phone, the app showed the best map route and included the time: A 20-minute drive. Not 19, not 21.
Exactly 20 minutes. I’m not making this up. This list is legit! This is all true! It wasn’t until I read it and edited it EVERY DAY that I attracted all of it. So get to it!