I’ll never forget the first time I had a total breakdown in front of John when we first started dating. It was a few days before my cycle was about to start, and I was on the brink of losing my biggest account. I was supposed to go out of town, but I had a meeting coming up and the creative wasn’t going well, so I didn’t want to leave, and I just started to cry. And John just hugged me. He talked while I cried. I was sitting on the side of the bed facing the night stand. I’ll never forget this moment because it was so foreign to me. I was so used to being by myself. Fighting my own battles alone. Crying alone. And even in relationships, I was so used to men (i.e. teachers, since everyone we have every dated was just a teacher) being mad at me all the time, so I kept my frustrations and hurt to my self most of the time. I had had the whole world on my own shoulders for so long, and I’d never had anyone say “it’ll be OK even if you lose all your clients. We’ll just figure it out.” The more John talked, the calmer I felt, and finally my tears subsided. I had never had a relationship like that before. That’s because I had never been that honest and vulnerable with a man before.
I don’t know if my perfectionism is because of my upbringing or just my DNA, but I grew up thinking I had to be perfect all the time.
Any less than perfect behavior (crying, being angry, eating junk food, watching rated R movies) was only done when no one was around. In silence and shame. This song is beautiful poetry. All the best lyrics are really just poems with a tune. My favorite types of poems! When I was single, these words gave me comfort. It was a completely different perspective from mine. It’s OK to be a beautiful mess? It’s ok to be a contradiction? It’s OK for my mind to be reckless? It’s OK to be awesome and a wreck? Damn straight it is. You don’t have to be a certain way to be loved. The right man, a real man, won’t get mad at you for having a bad day and wanting to cry. The RIGHT man for you will support you, hug you while you cry, take things off your plate, and help you when you’re having a bad day. I had never experienced that, and you might not have either, so you need strategies to help change your beliefs. When I was single, I needed strategies to help me believe that it was possible to have a relationship like the one I had dreamed of having my whole life. Listening to My Love Playlist is a strategy. I listened exclusively to songs like this one. I didn’t listen to anything negative. Some songs are upbeat and made me feel like dancing or running up a mountain, and some songs, like A Beautiful Mess, made me reflect and feel calm. I felt calm listening to this song. I visualized being able to be my true self with someone someday. I longed to be able to show my emotions when they weren’t the perfect ones. Songs like these helped me to create the beliefs that it was possible to be myself (good, bad, and even the ugly crying) and be loved. And that’s exactly my reality now. What we listen to matters. More than we think it does.
You’ve got the best of both worlds You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man, And lift him back up again
You are strong but you’re needy, Humble but you’re greedy Based on your body language, Your shouted cursive I’ve been reading Your style is quite selective, Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests That this is just what happiness is
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is It’s like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write Kind of turn themselves into knives And don’t mind my nerve you can call it fiction Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice Your comebacks they’re quick And probably have to do with your insecurities There’s no shame in being crazy, Depending on how you take these Words that paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging
And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is It’s like, we are picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say Kind of turn themselves into blades And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt Cause here, here we are, Here we are
We’re still here
And what a beautiful mess this is It’s like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
And through timeless words in priceless pictures We’ll fly like birds not of this earth And tides they turn and hearts disfigure But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts But it’s nice today, oh the wait was so worth it
One of my favorite lines from this song is “it’s like picking up trash in dresses.” How many times have we done that? Come home from a meeting in a business dress and heels, and bring the garbage in off the street, pick up all the trash that fell out, pick up all the toys and crap out in the lawn on your way in the house, we just do whatever needs to be done no matter what. And then on those days where you just want to cry, the right man will hug you, help you, tell you it will be OK even if you lose all your clients, pour you a drink, whatever he can do to help you feel better. That’s real love. And if it is possible for one of us, it is possible for all of us. Even you, mama.
Check out My Love Playlist on Spotify for more songs that helped me attract the man of my dreams! Visualization is an important strategy in finding your soul mate. For more strategies and weekly updates, follow my official Instagram, and sign up for my weekly newsletter!
Wishing you lots of love and health and happiness!