My relationship with God throughout my life has certainly been a rollercoaster. I’ve seen both sides of the spectrum—from being a devout Christian in my childhood to not even believing God was real in my 20s. But I can tell you that when I realized God was right there beside me the entire time, waiting patiently, guiding me every step of the way, everything changed.
When I got kicked out of Brigham Young University (BYU) for breaking the Honor Code, I learned a very powerful lesson: Tell the truth and you will be OUTCASTED.
He never left my side, even when I didn’t even believe he was real.
BYU is a private college owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, AKA the Mormons or the LDS faith. You have to sign an “honor code” to enroll in classes, and if you want to go to BYU, you’re not allowed to drink. I’d never had a drop of alcohol before that, so I figure it’d be no problem. But college was rough, and I started having some hard times and some doubts about my faith.
On my 21st birthday, my roommates took me out and it was the first time I had a drink. The second time I drank, a friend of mine told me that she had been raped by our mutual friend who sang in the choir with us. As you can imagine, I was shocked. And angry. I had no idea what to do, and it was tearing me up. So I told our conductor. This person got called in, and he decided that if he was going down, he was going to take me down and two other friends down with them.
The Honor Code Office called me in, and I wasn’t street smart enough to lie. I also never in a million YEARS thought that they would kick me out – being a first time offender, literally the MOST innocent of all clueless girls. So I decided to tell the truth. Then a couple of days later I was kicked out of school. Just like that. I was devastated. The next few months were BRUTAL. I did appeal to the honor code, they ended up letting me stay in school but make me drop choir and wouldn’t let me go on tour with them that summer (to Australia of all places) I was a distastes. Choir was the only reason why I even wanted to be in school. I failed all of my classes. I dropped out after that.
A year later, I packed everything I owned into my sexy 1978 Datsun B210 and drove to AZ on June 22nd. I was angry, bitter outcast, ad felt terrible about myself. I was smoking, drinking, and I hated everything about religion and my upbringing. My relationship with God was at its worst. I didn’t even believe that God existed. I didn’t want anything to do with God, I didn’t want anything to do with the Bible. I just didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do. And THAT is when I met and married my very first boyfriend—the first person who made me feel safe. I wanted to belong to someone.
God was still there all along. He watched over me, even when I wanted nothing to do with Him. He gave me the strength to get through my newborn’s surgery. Oh, I prayed then. My baby girl (who turns FIFTEEN on Monday!) was born with a blockage in her intestines and they had to do surgery on her when she was 48 hours old. It’s funny how I didn’t pray for years, and when there’s a crisis, NOW all of the sudden I was praying for God to save her.
So how was that “No God” life working out for me? It wasn’t.
When we don’t have faith and we don’t pray, it’s like God is calling us, and we never pick up the phone.
God has already made sense of all of it.
As a guest on Ed Mylett’s Podcast, Jay Shetty talks about how your morning routine is like putting on your armor for the day. Faith is your spiritual armor. When nothing makes sense to us, faith is a knowledge that it wasn’t meant to make sense right now, at this moment. God has already made sense of all of it. He knows what we don’t know.
Faith is knowing that when you feel alone, that feeling is not a truth. It’s not a reality. It’s not a fact. It’s just a feeling. When we can separate I am statements to I feel statements, we detach from the current situation and how it appears, and see the truth. Instead of “I am alone,” say “I feel alone.”
You’ve never been alone. You may feel that way sometimes, I sure did. I used to go to a Christian Church on Sundays where I would see happy, complete families all at church all praising God together, all holding hands together, with their Dad, and I would sit behind them and weep. I wanted that.
But I learned that we have open communication with God! It’s not a one-way street! Prayer is us talking to God, and our intuition is God talking to us.
When we have faith and pray, you open that communication. You allow yourself to receive the guidance he’s trying to communicate to us. He will lead us down the path to self-love and self-worth. It’s one of the very best things you can do to improve your relationship with God.
He will lead us down the path to self-love and self-worth.
You. Will. Be Guided.
We go to battle every day is to conquer our challenges. That fight begins WITHIN US. It’s our thoughts. The fight we are in is Against evil, against negativity, against work pressures, illnesses, financial pressures, court battles
But when you read Ephesians 6, you realize that faith is actually only part of the armor.
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
We’re constantly under attack – from the media, social media, negativity from our friends or family members. Faith, prayer, quietness, gratitude, and a few moments each morning of reflection is our armor. That’s all we need! We have everything we need to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked! That gives us courage.
If tuning into your spiritual side is new or uncomfortable for you, begin cultivating your relationship with God by saying thank you to God/the universe/spirits (whatever you’d prefer). Pick 3 things, and write them down. Thank you for my kids. Thank you for my job. Thank you for my heartbeat. Write 3 things down every single day. If you’re on your way to manifesting your soul mate, try “Thank you God for sending me my soul mate.” Saying and writing that down multiple times a day changed everything for me!!
When you cultivate your relationship with God and include Him in your journey to find a soul mate, you enable Him to work more miracles in your life. You open that conduit for more light and joy, and your intuition becomes more in tune with what He has planned for your life. Each person’s faith journey is completely unique, but I hope you can get to a place where you can believe that there’s someone out there hoping and working for your happiness, every day and night.
You are not alone. You never have been, and you never will be.
Wishing you lots of love,
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