I want to talk about the power in walking away. We considered moving recently, and we looked at a home in the most beautiful community I’ve ever seen. Every home was custom built and stunning. The streets were lined with trees and there was a path going through the entire community. When we toured the home for sale, every single room I walked in to, I thought, “Hmmm…wonder why they did that?” From room to room, I thought something just felt off. But I loved the neighborhood so much I wanted this house to be my dream house, and I was trying to talk myself into it.
I realized a while ago that if I tried talking myself into something, it was the wrong decision.
It’s the same thing with dating. When I wanted someone to be the man of my dreams, I ignored things that I knew felt a little “off.” When I left details out about a man (a teacher…all dates are teachers) to one of my friends, that was a sign to move on. When something felt “off” about their character and I said nothing, that’s a sign to walk away. When we want someone to be the man of your dreams so badly that we’re willing to ignore huge red flags, we are acting from a place of fear and lack. We ignore signs because we’re afraid of being alone, and we’re afraid we’ll never find true love. But the only way to attract your soul mate is to say goodbye to the teacher who isn’t the one, and work on yourself. You get great power from being alone and working on becoming the person YOU want to be so you can attract the man you long to be with. You can’t attract something if you’re busy chasing it.
It’s the same with any decision or any goal or any dream. If we’re talking ourselves into why it’s so great instead of getting that “yes” feeling…it’s not the right decision.
There’s great power in walking away. When I was dating and I would meet someone new, I’d always call my sister Marilyn and run down the list of his pros and cons with her. I used my confidants as sounding boards to help me determine if they were good guys or not.
When something really bothered me, I told no one. I would only tell the good stuff. I used to get off the phone with my last ex-teacher and I’d have a pit in my stomach. One time he went out dancing and never texted me when he got home. I’m sure he didn’t go home. I was upset, but I didn’t tell a soul. I bottled it up. I didn’t want anyone to have anything against him. I felt stupid for liking him in the first place. I felt like I had gotten played, and I should have been smarter. I knew he wasn’t the one, and it was (another) huge disappointment. I updated my soul mate list before I broke up with him (I like to say I fired him), which was shortly after that. I wrote:
My soul mate will always call me when I ask him to.
He will always call me when he has a break.
He will always call me on his way home if he goes out with his friends.
My soul mate is competitive and will do everything in his power to succeed and keep me. And so am I. Bam.
When you know in your heart that the man who is meant for you would never do something the man you’re dating just did, you know it’s time to walk away.
The more I read my soul mate list and added to it, the clearer it became that this teacher was not the one and it was time to move on. I knew that the man meant to be my husband would do anything to keep me. Someone who stays out all night with God knows who is not interested in keeping me. My soul mate would never do that. This teacher liked me at the beginning and tried a little bit, but then after a while, he realized he was never going to be the man that could keep me. He didn’t want to put in that much effort. He wanted to go out all night with whoever he wanted and stay out getting wasted whenever he wanted. Great! If you’re dating a teacher who wants to do that, let him! Go away and do that! And fire his ass. Next.
Back in 2014 the day before my first date with my husband John, my friend Charles asked me if I wanted a donut, and I said, “If I’m going to be a trophy wife, I can’t eat donuts.” It was a joke. I eat donuts about once a year, get a stomach ache, and remember why I haven’t eaten donuts in a year. The point is, I already knew I was going to marry John. I had known him for 6 years in business. I knew his character. I didn’t ruminate. I already knew we were so much alike. I never explained him to my friends; I never went through a list of pros and cons. I just knew he was the one. I didn’t wonder if it was going to work out. I didn’t have that feeling in my gut wondering if he was going to be there for me. I just knew he would. I didn’t worry about what was going to happen with his kids or if they would like me or not; I just couldn’t wait to meet them.
I think our inner dialogue tells us what’s really going on, whether or not we tell another person. We know. If we’re constantly internally debating about someone, that’s the sign to walk away.
I wrote this in the notes in my phone years ago, and I wish I had written the author’s name, so forgive me for not noting the source. In addition to my soul mate list, I had another list of affirmations I read every day so that I would remember the TRUTH:
Sometimes, things are better left as memories.
You can try to change things back to how they were or create things to be the way you want them, but you’ll never be truly happy because it will never be anything like how things once were. If anything, there’s too much pressure and expectation in the air to recreate what you both once had. Instead, hold onto and cherish the memories, but move forward. Be thankful for what the relationship brought you and taught you.
While it would be selfish of you to not accept a person for whom he or she is, it would be unfair for you to have to endure a relationship that isn’t cultivating a better you.
You are doing all this work on yourself so you can attract someone just like YOU. You are loyal, you want to be married. You want to have true love forever. You want to give love and show love and be in love for the rest of your life. You want a 50th anniversary. You will do anything (even the hard stuff) to have this soul mate love. And so will HE. Your soul mate is just like YOU.
Every man in my past taught me how to love my soul mate.
I don’t have to feel shame for anything I’ve done in the past, any of the men (teachers) I have been with, anyone who fooled me before and wasn’t ready or truthful. My soul mate understands. I can feel grateful for those teachers for showing me how to love HIM. My him. The right HIM. Now I will know because they all taught me how.
The teachers you meet are teaching YOU how to love your soul mate.
Be grateful for the lessons and walk away. Every step away from that teacher is one step closer to your soul mate. Your power gets greater and greater with every step you take walking away from someone who isn’t truthful and isn’t right for you. Every teacher makes you stronger and smarter. Dating is your education! You’re just learning everything you need to know to love your soul mate who is out there manifesting you!
As I’ve heard it said, “Prayer is you talking to God. Intuition is God talking to you.”
So when you have that feeling in your gut, I think it’s God talking to you.
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Wishing you lots of love,