I don’t know what book I was reading, but I’ll never forget the day I read the words, “Sympathy is a crutch.”
It stopped me in my tracks. I realized how much time and energy and effort I was putting into talking ad nauseam about my divorce and all the problems and all the hard things I had to go through. It was not helping. It was keeping me stuck. Talking on and on about the past keeps you there. In the past. Focusing on all those things will keep you from moving forward and finding love.
Why Do We Talk About The Past?
Think about it for a second.
When we lament about the past or how hard it is to go through whatever we’re going through, think about how that really feels….
You get sympathy.
Feels “good” to have people empathize with the things you have been through and validate your struggle. We all want validation that what we have been through has been hard.
However, when you get that validation, how do you really feel though?
Do you actually feel better? Or worse?
Sympathy is like mud.
It keeps you in the same pattern of doing the same thing and experiencing the same things over and over again.
When I’d talk about how difficult things were and my friends would commiserate with me, I’d feel “better” for a second, shed some tears, order another drink. Stay stuck in misery and bitterness.
Your environment is stronger than your will power.
I think that what might be the most important shift you can make is to be particularly careful about who you talk to so you can avoid negativity at all costs. If you want to find love and manifest your soul mate, you can’t let anyone take you off course. Avoiding negativity protects your beliefs and your dreams and helps keep you on track to accomplish them. The people you surround yourself with the most effect you more than you may realize. If you pay close attention to what people say and how they affect your beliefs about relationships, you may realize that you are spending too much time talking with others who don’t believe in forever love. I found that staying away from people who don’t have a relationship like the one I wanted and distancing myself from anyone who says negative things about relationships, strengthened my beliefs.
If you spend quality time talking with friends about the past and with friends who are negative about men and relationships, you are spending time focusing on what you don’t want instead of what you do want.
If you ask for relationship advice from anyone not currently in a loving, long-term, healthy relationship, they may not give you advice that will help you. If they are miserable in their own relationship, then they could influence you to believe that all married couples end up miserable. That advice may take you backward and not forward toward your relationship goal you want to achieve.
Get advice from people who have what you want!
You are whom you surround yourself with. This is nothing new. If you were trying to lose weight, it’s much easier if you don’t hang out with a friend who’s always trying to convince you to order pizza and drink a bottle of wine, and you wouldn’t hire a trainer who was overweight. If you were trying to acquire wealth, you wouldn’t take advice from someone poor.
Need to Talk
Listen, I know we need to talk. We need people around us that have gone through similar situations so we can heal. I had an excellent therapist and if you can get a therapist I highly recommend it. And, at the same time, if you can identify those you talk to who are negative about relationships or are currently in a toxic marriage, and decrease the amount of time you spend talking with them, you’ll help yourself feel better. You are helping yourself believe that true love is possible for you. You can love someone without spending all your time talking with them about the past.
If someone keeps you in the past and continually wants to talk about the past and how hard life is, take a break from talking to them so much. Talk to anyone who keeps you believing that finding love after divorce is possible. Read one of the books I just posted on my resources page. Subscribe to my newsletter and get weekly inspiration and strategies for finding love and manifesting your soulmate. Follow my love playlist and listen exclusively to uplifting music that helps you believe true love is possible for you. Follow me on Instagram and I promise to post strategies and messages that will help you believe that finding a bad ass husband is possible, because it was possible for me. I believe it’s possible for everyone if you strengthen your mind and transform limiting beliefs keeping you stuck. Take actions that move you forward.
This is the perfect time to take the focus within and work on becoming the person you described on your soul mate list.
Wishing you lots of love,