There is no guarantee you’ll find love; it’s the process that matters.
I just listened to Inky Johnson on Ed Mylett’s podcast and he said so eloquently what I want to communicate about attracting love and attracting the right partner into your life. It’s all about the process. The process of becoming the person you want to BE is the good stuff. It’s the same process for attracting all the awesome people into your life.
I used the end result that I desired (to have an awesome husband) as motivation to become the person I wanted to be. I’ll never stop trying to become the person I want to be. The process never stops. We never arrive. I can always improve in all areas of my life, and I will always want to improve.
Three things that kept me single:
- My negative beliefs about men
- My low self-esteem
- Lack of commitment to becoming the person I wanted to be.
It wasn’t until I became obsessed with working toward embodying the qualities of the man I wished to attract that I followed the process I created.
I created harmony in my home and created less stress (mess=stress) little by little day after day. I worked on my home and my sanctuary 10-15 minutes here and there. Adding pretty decor, taking carloads to Goodwill, throwing old broken toys away while my kids slept so they would never know.
I learned how to take time for self-care.
I practiced doing things that I loved to do, so I could create more joy in my life. Joy attracts joy, and creating your own joy is a powerful force for good!
I exercised most days and stayed more active doing the things that I love to do and not what everyone else wanted me to do. I practiced enjoying doing things alone.
I worked every day to transform the limiting beliefs I had about men. I took notes and wrote down instances that proved my old negative beliefs wrong. I read those notes every day. If my friends who are both strong personalities, met in high school and are still madly in love after nearly 40 years, then it’s possible for me to have a relationship like theirs. My negative beliefs were not true. It’s also possible for you to have what they have. If one couple can find love and stay in love for 40 years, why can’t you?
Walt Disney said:
The difference between winning and losing is most often not quitting.
What would happen if you just didn’t quit improving? I created strategies so I wouldn’t lose faith in my dream like I had so many times before. I wrote and edited my soulmate list every day. When I went on a bad date, I edited my soul mate list to include the opposite traits that my date showed. If I met someone whose fitness and health was their last priority, I wrote in my soul mate list:
My soul mate is healthy and believes in a healthy lifestyle, but still wants to eat treats sometimes. I didn’t want a lunatic.
I became a student of dating and focused on the lessons I was learning as I met and got to know new men (teachers). Sometimes they showed me what I DID want, and I added it to the list. Most of the time they showed me what I didn’t want. I added the opposite to my soul mate list.
People say that you attract who you ARE and not what you want.
But what if you blend them both?
What if you become who you want BE, and then attract who you want to BE WITH? That was my hypothesis. If I get crystal clear about the person I want to attract as a husband, work incessantly to become like that person, I will attract him. Then I spent 17 months testing that hypothesis. What if you become like the person you want to attract, and then you can attract who you want. If who you are is a person striving for improvement and striving to be great, kind, considerate and compassionate, then you will attract a person who is striving for the same things. That doesn’t mean you will be perfect, neither will he.
But if you are a person striving to improve, when do you arrive at that destination?
If you are a person striving to be kind, when do you stop being kind? When you attract a husband?
The process is the good stuff. The process is always the good stuff. You never stop becoming the person you want to be! I’m not the person I want to be yet! I’m still working at it. I want to be a great mom, I want to be a great wife, I want to give more, have more patience, have more kindness, speak with more love and compassion. I’ll never be the person I want to be. I will always strive to improve because I fail miserably every day. I get frustrated and short with John. I get annoyed with my teenagers. I focus too much on work and not enough on my family. I have a really hard time being present in the moment. We’re all a work in progress, forever.
Inky Johnson said it so eloquently so I will quote him again:
There is no guarantee you will get what you want.
It’s the process that matters.
If you want to be a professional athlete, you may or may not ever make the team, and you could get injured as Inky did. His arm is paralyzed now. His dream was over in one play, one instant. He was done. But if your dream is to become a professional athlete and you put in the work, day in and day out, think about who you are becoming in the meantime? If you don’t make the team, is all of that time and energy and discipline and lessons and practicing a complete waste of time? I don’t think so.
Think about every person who has ever succeeded before today, like Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan, or Tiger Woods. They had a goal, they were very specific about the goal, and worked toward it every day, many many more hours than anyone else did.
I don’t see why a relationship goal is any different. I used a goal to create more discipline and more joy in my life; to become a better person. I just strived to be better. I just worked at it. I failed time and time again and again and again. I’m no better than anyone else. But I’m just as good. I finally changed my beliefs and quieted that inner bitch that told me I was too type A, too big, and too independent to have an awesome husband. My mission is to help others do the same. As long as we believe all the lies we tell ourselves about why we are single and why there are no good men, we will stay single or stay in bad relationships. We have to believe it to achieve it. And I believe that you can find love. Even though there are no guarantees! But working toward creating more harmony in our homes, striving to be more kind, more generous, more compassionate, have more fun, and be more active is an amazing thing!
When I did that, I did attract someone great, so who’s to say you can’t do the same?
Wishing lots of love,